Detachment is vital to breaking the paradigm of abuse that holds you back in relationships.

A big part of learning to be detached in your relationships includes looking at your past and childhood in a detached way.  It is through stepping back as you would a painting and choosing a different perspective, that you are able to see the bigger picture.
This bigger picture contains family templates such as abuse, alcoholism, codependency, and control, to name a few, and it is vitally important to take a step back and realize our parents acted in the way they were "taught" by their parents.
If you are objective and honest with yourself you will see a repeating cycle of behavior within your family, where parent abused child, over the generations making them feel not good enough, like they could never measure up, that they were unloved and needed to control their surroundings. 
You will also note that you are being given lessons in your relationships over the years to help you to overcome and break these family templates.  Each relationship whether romantic or otherwise is to help you to overcome and break these cycles that run in families.  If you do not recognize or learn the lesson and change the way you react, you will simply repeat the lesson in the next relationships. If you do not learn your lesson in one lifetime, it repeats into the next perpetuating the cycle.
Becoming aware, seeing, recognizing, and understanding these cycles and templates and having compassion and forgiveness for those who have hurt us allows us to step up and say “I refuse to perpetuate this cycle of fear, I do not accept this paradigm, I transmute it to love" and change our behavior. 
Once you recognize when you are reacting to a situation as your parents did, it starts to become easier to see, easier to slow down and change your behavior, and it becomes much easier not to react.  As you learn not to react, you will notice your relationships will change, for the better, which is what we all want, yes?
This is how we graduate from the prison of victimhood to freedom, detachment, forgiveness and most of all LOVE.
Love is the only way to heal these family templates and the emotional and mental pain that comes with them.
~Terri Wilson~​, I do not accept this paradigm"